she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
