Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
