i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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