I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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