Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
