as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
