i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
