Grow some girl-balls and come out already
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
