I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
