Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
