i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
