I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
