He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
