You're my little dorito
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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