I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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