We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
