Rock
Scissors
Fuck
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
