Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
