Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
