hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
