shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
