We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
