I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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