you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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