It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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