I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
