Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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