I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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