oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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