don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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