I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
