How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
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