he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Enjoy the penises
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
