Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
