we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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