chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
