I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
