You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
