I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
