he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
