How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
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dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
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Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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