Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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