9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
