I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
