so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
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He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
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I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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