I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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