If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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