I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
two words: eviction party
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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