Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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