Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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