remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
