I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
