My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
