Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Randomize
