I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
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This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
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Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Gay?
German.
Pity.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
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