I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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