Pants 0. Shit 1.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm sobbing to NWA
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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