You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We need to get me chipped asap
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
