Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
