She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
