His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
