Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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