Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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