i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
COCAINE IS GR8
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
