the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
