Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
