This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I would fuck him just for his dog
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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