bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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