my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
