fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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