it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
where am i from again
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
