i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
