Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
