I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
