she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
