I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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