his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
