it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
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he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
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Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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