i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
